Sunday, 19 February 2012

Friday, 17 February 2012

Karaoke Crew

John had heard a rumour that someone who attended the Sunday afternoon karaoke session could do with a bit more practice. He turned up early to get a good seat, but when he arrived the club was practically empty. Gradually a crowd built up in the corner by the bar.

The DJ, a happy fellow, was set up and ready to go playing a few tunes. "Come on, who will be first?" he said over the microphone. The crowd in the corner where all enjoying themselves, when the first singer from the crowd went over to sing. Everyone clapped and cheered as he stood and sang "That's Life".

"Very good," thought John, "he doesn’t even need the words."

Next was a lady with a very distinctive voice belting out "Mustang Sally".

"Well, it certainly wasn’t these two that needed practice."

As John sat there he looked around the room, there was an older man in a beige cromby that seemed to be offering people advice on their song choices. The next man that sang "Blue Berry Hill" was what John referred to as a one trick pony. The next woman to sing had a resemblance to Tina Turner, the way she walked up to the mic but hearsay was that she had recently had surgery, as she started to sing a song John had never heard before, a small woman with highlights jumped onto the snooker table and started thrusting her body to the words of "We're Having a Gang Bang" being sung. As John looked on amazed he wasn’t sure if this was a code message for the crowd in the corner as he had already noticed a few bottoms being pinched. Next up was a middle aged man who must have left his skull cap at home as he gyrated to "The Wonder of Jews". As he sang and wiggled a woman ran from the crowd and smothered him in kisses, it was a lucky escape when the music stopped. A young girl was called over, apparently she only attended on special occasions, she had quite a pleasant voice, but John couldn’t help remembering Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques as she wobbled on her high heels across the club.

John thought he had wasted his time, he saw the man in the cromby go up and whisper to the DJ and a short blonde woman was called up and she murdered a Patsy Cline song. This was the one who needed practice, he was sure of it; he had never been so sure of anything in his life. He could offer no help. He went to the bar and ordered a large whiskey and spoke to the barmaid. He needed another large one when she told him he only had to wait four weeks until they did it all again.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Sod the Snow!

After an afternoon out at the karaoke, with all of the best singers. we were nearly home, as we entered the alley, BANG! i fell straight on my back and smacked my head on the pavement. There i was, spread eagle in the alley way with my husband crouched over me sliding everywhere, trying to pick me up. Any onlookers would have wondered what we were up to. i have had a headache for three days. when my son came home crying yesterday, he had fallen backwards over a fence and landed with a concrete post between his legs. He is now laying on the setee with bruised bits. Then this morning my husband slipped outside, putting his shoulder out.  Roll on the summer!!

Monday, 6 February 2012

The Only Way is Stratford

The  war  babies  that  grew  up  having  to  wear   each  other’s   under wear ,
that had slept four in a bed with no glass in the window   were  now  the  smart set
  of  the  sixties  with  their  tailor  made  suits, crisp white shirts and  polished  shoes.  Most  people  had  a  car  that  they  looked  after  with  pride washing  and polishing  ready for  the weekend.
Our  Saturday  afternoons  were  taken  up  visiting  our  Nan  and  granddad 
 who   still  lived  in  the  east end  of  London  in  the  same  house  were  my  dad
 had  grown   up.   Every  Saturday   my sister  and  I  were  ready  to  go  with
 matching  outfits   that had  been   made  by  my  mum  shiny shoes  and  new  coats.
 After  the  short  drive  we  would  arrive  at my nan’s  parking around  the corner
  and  then  as  we  approached  her  block  of  maisonettes   we  would  have  to  hide  behind the  wall  while  my  dad  went  and  did  the  special  knock  on  the  door ,
 this  was  because  nobody  wanted  to  open  the  door  to  aunt  Mary . The  special 
 knock  was  done  the  door  would open  and  we  would  be  whistled  from  behind 
 the  wall  once inside  only  to  see  aunt  Mary already  sitting  in  the  armchair 
 smoking  two cigarettes  at  once .  She  lived  in  the  local  mental institution  and
 every  Saturday  would  climb over  the wall  jump  on  the  bus  and  arrive  at   my
 nan’s  to join  in the  fun,  her  tights  ripped  from coming  over  the  wall,  bright 
 red  lipstick  and  a woollen  dress  even  in  the  summer.  Mary  had  been  put  in 
 the  home  by  her  husband  because  of  postnatal  depression  and  just  stayed  there
  for  the   rest  of  her  life.
The  room  was  full  of  other   aunties  and  uncles  each  and  every  one  a  character,
  we  had singers   dancers  comedians  and  all  the  cousins  ready  to  join  in  the  afternoons  fun.  We  would  all  walk  along  to  the  local  club  for  a  few  hours  and  then  all  walk  back 
  again  a  few hours  later   all  singing  and  laughing , the  settee  would  be  pushed  back  to make way  for  the tap  dancers  all taking  turns to  do 
 their  best   James Cagney  or  gene Kelly  running  and  tipping the  armchair  over
  as  they  danced  of  the  other  side, then  would  come  Al  Jolson  impersonators  
 one  after  another   while  Des O’Conner  played  on  the  record  player  and  the television  would  be  on  for  the  horse  racing .  It  was  brilliant  bedlam,  ten  grandchildren squashed  on  a  three  seater    settee   watching  all  the  grown ups  enjoying  themselves    a  room full  of  stars.   we   had  Marylyn  Monroe ,Mitzi  Gaynor ,Dean  Martin  ,Adam  Faith , Dusty Springfield, Ginger  Rogers  and 
 Mr  Gable  by  early  evening  when  every one  had  had  enough my  dad  would
  take  aunt  Mary  back   but  she  would  always  go  in  through  the  front  door  
 as  she  was  also  a  star.   This  would  be  the  norm  fifty  two  weeks  a  year  and
  on Christmas  and birthday’s   we  would  really  live  it  up.